A first time Mommy on my first day at big school. 

I look at the selfie I took in the playground just before she walked away from me on her wonderful new experience. I saw the heartache in my face, the uncertainty in hers, but mainly the beautiful ray of sunshine that shone down directly onto our heads… And I just wonder…. 💕 

Thank you for all the messages, the well wishes, the texts & Facebook posts. It’s been a really tough one, and one that I have just let myself feel, instead of pretending I’m “ok“. My heart ached. For her, for me, but mainly for him. 

Be a game changer little 1 xx 

A letter to her first PS teacher… 

Dear Junior Infants Teacher, 

I know you have lots of tiny humans who’s first day of school starts tomorrow, but the thing is, I’m petrified. Probably even more petrified than my little girl is. I imagine they take it all in their stride, the tiny ones, whereas us parents think about all the what if’s, the worst case scenarios! I have so many questions that I know you won’t have time to answer, so many worries that you won’t have time to calm. But please just know how much I worry, please remember that, when I’m asking you how she got on for the millionth time. 

Please remember she is my one and only, it’s just the 2 of us, and the thought of her being in big school, with hundreds of other kids, big and small, all by herself, literally squishes my heart. The thought of her falling over, and not getting the cuddles & loves she would normally be used to, puts a massive lump in my throat. The thought that she may struggle to make friends?! Well I can’t even think about that one for too long. I worry that she’s a leftie, that she writes her name from right to left instead of left to right. If she is afraid, who will be there to comfort her?! 

You see, I know it’s all about the children, all about the uniforms and bags and preparation, but what about us parents? It’s such a massive milestone, to make it to big school, that I really don’t think the parents are given enough kudos for sucking it all up so well. Deep down I know she’ll be ok, I know she’ll have her good days and bad, but it won’t stop me from worrying about her, so please be patient with both of us, and in time we will find our own little flow and I’ll stop asking so many questions… In time…. 

I know you will do a ridiculously wonderful job teaching my child so many wonderful things that I wouldn’t be able to, but please remember how big a deal this is for me too, as a Mommy, of a very precious tiny human. 

I hope I don’t annoy you too much with too many questions, I swear I’m not normally like this…. 

Warmest worries

A brand new Junior Infants Mommy 

To the Dad on the hill… 

My brother was minding the tiny human today, as I was spending some birthday time with my goddaughter. We met them after in the playground. My brother was entertaining the tiny human and another beautiful little girl. It turns out she was an identical twin. 

All the kids played together for a while, we went swinging, sliding, even flying an aeroplane to “Italy” 😏 The entire time we played, they kept glancing up the hill. At their Dad. I watched him in frustration. He sat the entire time, at a picnic bench, by himself, completely emersed in his phone. He hardly looked up. The girls played, and every so often glanced to the top of the hill, he wasn’t looking. Every time I looked up at him, he wasn’t looking. They had so much fun with my brother, the man who gave them attention, not the one who should have been. 

Now I have no idea what the situation is, and after everything, I try so hard not to “judge” anyone for anything, because we really have no idea what is going on… But I felt so sad watching this today. I wonder how long it would have taken him to realise if they had been taken by someone. I wonder what went through their minds as they looked up towards him on the hill. Most likely longing for their Dad to watch them for a minute, to play with them for a little while. They laughed and giggled with my brother, a man they didn’t know. 

I know myself how addictive a phone can be. I find myself having to make a conscious decision to put mine down now, and get annoyed with myself when I realise I have ignored a question, a demand, a cuddle, all because I’ve had to answer that text straight away, that tweet, or see how many likes an Instagram post has received. Or even worse when I get cross with her because she’s called me 6 times, then realise it’s because I’m looking at my phone and not her.

I know how precious the time I have with her is, how fast she’s growing up, the things I can miss in the blink of an eye because I wasn’t paying her any attention. I see her disappointment when she does something she’s proud of, and I missed it. I realise that in the blink of an eye, she could be gone. I see that now. I just hope that the Dad on the hill realises the next time and instead of sitting alone with his phone, he jumps on the plane, and flies to “Italy” with his two beautiful little girls. 

Huss X