It’s been a while since I blogged…
I’m not really sure where to start with this one. Do I start way back when… in 2009, when I gave up my life in Ireland to go and live in London with the man I knew I was going to marry? Or do I start from when I moved back to Ireland in 2011?
To be honest it doesn’t really matter, because I chose to leave the country. Leave my friends and family behind, and embark on a lovely new life in the UK with my lovely (then) boyfriend. It was 15 months into our relationship, and 200% the right thing to do. Little did I know what would unfold in the 2 years that followed. But lately I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I try not to dwell, I become bitter and annoyed if I do, but I’ve been thinking of how much I feel like I’m on the outside.
You see, I left all my friends here, and made new, amazing ones, in the UK. I was gone for 2 years, only returning for wedding planning and events. My Irish friends all continued on their own paths. I was no longer in the loop. Then I had to move back home, pregnant, and leave my UK friends behind, I was then no longer part of that loop either. So as a result, I really feel like I’m not part of any loop. It looks so sad to read, but it’s true. I gave all of that up when I met my husband, but little did I know the sheer volume of the heartache that he would leave behind. My Irish friends have all stayed within the same circle since I left. They all still socialise together. My UK friends the same.
Don’t get me wrong, I have loads of individual friends, and they are all pretty incredible humans. I have 2 very best friends living in Ireland, and one in Turkey, all have their own families now, all children with their partners/husbands. Their own friends all have children around the same age. But my tiny human is years older. We are out of the loop. The tiny humans cousins are the closest things she has to siblings. They live in Belfast. At 35 I never thought I’d feel… well, just left behind. The boy moved here a year ago from the UK, and is also trying to build a new circle of friends. I can’t even help him there.
I wonder how many others feel the same. The ones who moved away, and moved back for whatever reason, and no longer have a “loop”. Maybe we can start our own? ☺️
I’m off for a run once The tiny one goes to bed… on my own 😜